pay no mind to the signs

"What if you
Could wish me away"

 Somedays, I beleive you want to.

your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet

Mysterious... oftentimes, a loner. You know your true friends and only them are allowed to understand the real you.

You hide your emotions... Sometimes pretending... to be always happy. Sometimes, not giving even a hint of what you really feel.

You search for love... you’re a hopeless romantic and every time you enter a relationship, you give your all and believe “this is the One.”

You appreciate simple things in life... You hate complicating things that’s why you’re typically up-front in any aspect.

You’re an ideal boyfriend/girlfriend... You don’t care if your partner doesn’t really love you as long as you love him/her. You give your all...

You’re intimidating! People have an impression that you’re elite—or if not, you simply look sophisticated. You gain praises but not companions.

You’re independent! You’re also risky just like the bajaken who sail in the vast and dangerous ocean to look for treasures!

good or bad you're just a habit

You're always on my mind, your always in my heart. I don't know how to forget or where to begin. I just can't seem to let go. You, it's always you. Floating on the tide of my thoughts, tainting my smile and influencing my step. I don't know what to say anymore. All this time has run me out of words and nearly all emotion. Maybe it will always be like that. Maybe I'll forget. But I dout it.

bears, beats, battlestar galactica

Things I like
This list of things is dedicated to Hannah, basically because she keeps me happy even when I don't want to be. And she challenged my to write this.
And this is not in any order, just what came to mind.

1. Just to start this off, numero uno will go to the one who started this list. The one and only miss Hannah Banana. You are my best friend and I love you. Thank you for always being very funny, kind, understanding, angry, mocking, ranting and an all around amazing person. I probably don't say it enough but I don't know what I would do or who I would be without you. You are the roots to my tree, you keep me grounded. 
2. Second will have to go to my little sister, because even though she can be really mean to me and make fun of me and be really annoying, she also knows me better than most everyone in the world. She makes me laugh whenever I am upset and brings me things. Like joy and my laundry from the basement. And she found my head phones, which might have just saved my life. 
3. Third will have to go to music, because it is my personal favorite form of therapy and I love it very much.
4. English class will claim fourth place, for pissing me off, keeping me up till two, for being smart, having fun and challenging me like nothing else. Even if it can be a bitch
5. This space here will go to all the new friends that I have made this year, with special mention going to all those kids in number 4. I love you kids so much and I so glad that I didn't leave that class
6. Glee, for making me laugh, making me cry and giving me something to make wednesdays worth living through.
7. Seventh place goes to tea, my drink of choice.
8. Eight goes to change, to the change that I have found in myself this year, 
9. Ce numero ici vas à la française, parce que, même si les autre ne l'aiment pas, je l'aime. 
10. The sun
11. The weather. And don't get mad at me for this Hannah, because you asked for it. I love the fall, the cold the leaves the fall sun and smells. 
12. That leads to number 12, I love snow and I love skiing and I want to going skiing soon.
13. Not having homework, or chosing not to do it. That is was I like here
14. Having a realistic view on life, (and that includes not believeing that the world will end in 2012.)
15. Getting over people
16. New Moon. I know that this will cause people to atomatically judge me for even putting this in, so I am going to go all out and tell you just how happy this makes me. I am retardely excited to go see this movie because I love the whole series. Except the fourth book was a little weird. That aside, the movies, the music associated with it, the books, I love them all. And I can not wait for to see this movie. 
17. Funny things, like the office and philly D and friends and all those good things.
18. LOST. Oh heaven help me I am so excited for this next season. 
19. Smiles, smiles are good
20. and eye contact.
21. Bean bags, the ones that heat up and keep my toes warm
22. Christmas and christmas crafts. 
23. Laughing
24. Lyndsay, simply because she puts up with all my stupidness, and tirdeness and bitchyness and because she was a new friend that I made this year and I love her very much. And we suffer together through chem and have fun or suffer through english, depending on our teachers mood. Pretty much I love you kid,
25. Alone time, because I don't get enough of it.
26. Special sharing secret time without Hannah and Allison in English.

the love we find in the sky

The truth is in the end I am pretty useless withouth friends

Things I've Had Enough Of

• school
• homework
• no sleep
• it not being christmas or christmas break
• test
• fucking microsoft word, like fuck
• essays 
• editing things 
• questions
• people being obsessed with drugs and alcohol
  
• loser poser people
• annoying people
• stupid fucks
• weed
• stress
• catching up 
• excuses
• people leaving
• dissapointment.

Oh and

• people that say they hate something just because everyone else likes it.
  

All That I Am You Have Made Me

I am just to stressed out to function.

water from a tap

Find something that makes you unique, something that you love and then use that to show the world who you are.

You're the captin and I am no one

Sometimes, in my excitement of getting and idea out in the world, I forget the order words should go in, or just words in general and those not so important details like letters.

If Someone Loved You, They'd Tell You By Now.

Tonight is going to be one of those late nights when I am doing homework until tomorrow has broken over the horizon. Tonight will be a night where I have to quietly sneak in hour upon our of last minuet touches, of dotting I's and crossing T's. Of craming and typing that will lead to an unwelcome break in my sleeping patterns. Needless to say, I am not pleased. I don't understand why so much work must be done in order to demonstrate to the teachers of our school that, "Look! I understand and I am smart and I am ready to be shot out into the real world!". Serisously, all it really shows is who has no life, or who is best at time mangement or who has the best stamina when it comes to the race between sleep deprivation and compleating a task. Fuck. Like who has time to study for a mid term, write a lengthy critique of a complicated short story, do response questions in french for all the visists to our little buddies, read over a hundred pages of a complex french novel, respond to question about a french tv show where they talk really fast, write response questions to another short story and do math homework for yet another unit that we are working on with the mid term and a seperate unit final fast approaching? Not to mention read ahead in chem. And then, (now here is the kicker) adults are mad because "young folk now adays" don't know about the details of world war one, or haven't read all the classics. Not that I wouldn't love to be able to do all these things and then have time to expand  my intellect, but when it comes down to it, I don't have time. And I am sure you will find this with a lot of kids now adays; if we don't need to know it then we probably wont learn it. Because who, after all that shit load of homework that we magically have to accomplish, want to put their mind through anymore hoops? And finally, have a life that inolves friends and extra activites. It is stupid how much is expected of us some days. Seriously, no wonder we are letting people down. I am all for setting high goals, but when they aren't even physical possibly, that is when you know you have set the bar to high.

What I need was never there anyway

I am happy. I am a happier person most days than I have been. I have found that although this year has been busier than ever, I have had homework sprouting questions at me in my sleep and have had many stresses this year,  I am happy. And I can't help but think it is simply because I am become better at knowing myself, improving myself and not worrying as much about others opinions of myself as my own opinion. Be yourself, we've had this message drilled into our heads since we were little, but really, it's not till you discover this life truth yourself that it actually retains value. Happiness, being happy, making others happy, is there really anything else that we can ask of life? This path that I am heading down, I am proud to say, makes me happy. There is not much that I would want to change about myself right now, and those things that I am not 100 % on, well I'm working on those. I have grown simply by learning exactly what, "be yourself" means. I know who I am now, more so than I did a year ago, and I bet I will know more about myself tomorrow than I did today. And knowing myself, what makes me tick, what ticks me off and where my flaws are, I am just furthing pogressing down that path that leads me to the place where I belong.

The count of boys that I am secretly inlove with currently stands at four.

I'm better near to you

I've got to much homework and not enough time.