i can hear the rain now. i sit in my bed, listening to the fall. and yet i have dug it no hole. i can hear it as the mass grave i live in stares back at me. shirts, jeans and sweaters lay on the floor as if massacred by a machete. books, pencils bags and boxes thrown to the ground by a ticking time bomb. the former pieces of my life lie in surmounting pools of their own blood. so much carnage. so much destruction.
and all the while i can hear the rain.
i've missed the rain. i love it. and although it rained most every day this weekend i have yet to enjoy it. i need the rain right now. i need it to wash away all the dirt and grime from my face. i need it to hide my tears. i need to throw the light, darken the shy and wipe away my footprints so that i may escape. i need the rain.
i have so much to do. so much turning my spine into a string of fiery knives, so much compressing my chest with each breath as though i had already sustained the heart attack, so much weighing on my eyes lulling me to sleep. words. questions. test. stress.
maybe i have dug my own hole. one that i will not get out of in one piece.
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