Be still my love

Make it go away

My chance of being open was broken
And now you're Mrs. him.

The heat is on

The more that I take all these personality test, the more I realize that there is no real test that can identify who I really am. The one that I took, that classified me as an INFJ was terrible accurate in certain aspects of my personality. I am conscientious and value-driven. I seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding themselves and myself. I do my best to take all the information that I have to creat a clear image of what I am dealing with, in order to make the best decisions possible. I am a quiet, private individuals who prefers to exercise their influence behind the scenes. I am very independant, but I am also really interesed in the well-being of others all around the world. I do concider myself a activist for the down trodden of the world, and I hope to uphold that trait for the rest of my life. Infact, I hope to take that into my future career. I am a sensitive and complex individual, who is adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner. I believe that I have a very rich inner life. I am thinking of something almost all the time and enjoy hours to reflect on life and it's mysteries. There are times when I do not like to share much of what I think with others, and that may therefore be seen as reluctances to share with others. I also believe that I am well liked by my peers. I am guarded in expressing my deepest feelings with those that I do not know very well. I have difficulty trusting people in gerneral, especially people that I do not know very well. I am not a person to make a new friend in a matter of moments but would rather scope out the people I know and decided who I believe I would be best suited to be friends with. Being sentitive as I am, I have a tendancy to be easily hurt although I may not express this to anyone outside my closest group of friends. When I get hurt, scared or jealous emotionaly I tend to throw up a wall. I will relatate against this strike to my pride with anger that dose not easily fade. Whenever, or if ever I chose to tell someone some of my deeper thoughts or feelings, I will almost always feel stupid and vulnerable in doing so.
I blelieve I tend to be a sensitive, quiet leader with a great depth of personality. I am intricately and deeply woven, mysterious, and highly complex, sometimes puzzling even to myself. I spend a lot of time in self-reflection or thought. I have an orderly view toward the world, but I am internally arranged in a complex way that it seams only I, and those extreamly close to me understand. Abstract in communicating, I live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, I tend to be creative and easily inspired.
That is the part of the personality test that had me pegged down quite well. But I don't really think that each and every person can fit into a category perfectly. There may be one sort of personality that resembles them the most, but that dosen't mean it is always a perfect fit. I am the same way.
One of the personality traits that (INFJ) missed in me, is how argumentative I am. I can be terrible rude about it, and argue all the time. Aswell I have an almost obsessive personality, especailly when it comes to things. I obsesse over songs, movies, books, t.v. shows and almost anything else that I can think of. I don't mean to, but there are somethings that I can not help but love. I will listen to songs over and over again, read books 10 times or more and so many other weird things. I love to pick at things, weather it be over something that is bugging me or at a cut and everything inbetween. I am vaine, terrible vaine. I love to look at myself in the mirror. It may be a bad thing but somedays I just really love to see that I am still looking pretty.
One of my worst habbits is making a bad habbit of boys. For me, it seams that there always has to be some boy for me to think about, even if I know that he dosen't like me that way, or that it will never work out. I make a bad habbit of liking a boy for months at a time, and I never seam to get over that one guy until I find a new one. When I fall, I fall hard and for a long time. Boys are a hard habbit for me to break. In the same aspect of boys, I really like being liked by them, even if I don't want to date the guy. It is terrible horrible but it boost my confidence. Some days I have really low confidence, others, I think that I can strut the cat walk (knowing that I never can). I really want to fall in love, even if that means that I will eventually get my heart broken. I want to travel the world and I want to learn all that I can about everything that I can. I hate it when some one is a hypocrite and lies drive me mad.
That is me, in a nut shell.

Who who who

Strong drive and enjoyment to help others. Complex personality. 1% of the total population. These are serious students and workers who really want to contribute. They are private and easily hurt. They make good spouses, but tend to be physically reserved. People often think they are psychic. They make good therapists, general practitioners, ministers, and so on.

INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding themselves and others. Using their intuitive skills, they develop a clear vision, which they then execute decisively to better the lives of others. Like their INTJ counterparts, INFJs regard problems as opportunities to design and implement creative solutions.

INFJs are quiet, private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Although very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner.

INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life, which they may be reluctant to share with those around them. Nevertheless, they are congenial in their interactions, and perceptive of the emotions of others. Generally well-liked by their peers, they may often be considered close friends and confidants by most other types. However, they are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people, and so tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal this except to their closest companions. INFJs may "silently withdraw as a way of setting limits," rather than expressing their wounded feelings—a behavior that may leave others confused and upset.

INFJs tend to be sensitive, quiet leaders with a great depth of personality. They are intricately and deeply woven, mysterious, and highly complex, sometimes puzzling even to themselves. They have an orderly view toward the world, but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they could understand. Abstract in communicating, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, INFJs tend to be creative and easily inspired. Yet they may also do well in the sciences, aided by their intuition.

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.

Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

What you'll find

Fav qoutes
"I'm not Fred he is. Honesty and you call yourself our Mother. Just kidding I am Fred!"-Fred Wesley
"Sunshine, daisies, bottem mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow"-Ronald Wesley
"What an idiot."-Hermonie Granger
"You're a little scary some times. Brillante, but scary. " -Ronald Wesley
"As for me, I'll be a knight"-Ronald Wesely
"Books and cleverness, there are more important things" -Hermonie Granger
"COME HERE POTTER, NOOW!" - Professor Quirl
"What happend down in the dungen between you and Professor Quirl is a complete secret, so, naturally, the whole school knows"- Professor Dumbledor
"That was one of my more brillante ideas and between you and me, that's saying something" - Professor Dumbledor
"I'm not going home, not really"-Harry Potter

Dear bright shinning stars

some angsty whiney shit

If the children don’t grow up, our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.

People are so hard to figure out. How can you tell if someone is mad at you, upset over something that is completely unrelated to you, annoyed with you, or with something else entirely. I constantly ponder what other people are thinking, wondering if it is me that is causing them to be moody or distant or something else. Nowadays, people don't normally express there feelings out to the world for fear of being jugged or hurt or vulnerable or what have you, but it would make for a lot easier of a world if they did. That way, we could all know what is going on. But then I understand why we don't, why I dont. When you share something so personal to yourself, pretaining to who you are and what makes you who you are, you give someone a little bit of power over yourself, a sight into your soul. They can then do whatever they want with the piece of you, including destorying it.
Personally I can't decided weather or not to be a person that holds in what they think or what they are feeling, or one that shares with all the world what is on their mind. I think that once you start sharing everything out there, with the world and with all your friends, you start to loose yourself a little. There is no filter between your soul, so to speak, and the rest of the world, letting it all kinda float all over the place. But maybe that is not the case at all. Maybe in sharing with other people, you are making yourself stronger by trusting in others. Prehaps, like a lot of things in the world, it has to do with balence appose to chosing one or the other, balence between the two extreams. I still haven't decided.

one thirteen

I am not really sure what I am doing, or what this is going to turn into.
For the most part this is kind of just a test run, to see what my blog is going to look like, and how it all plays out. I am excited to see what it turns into. I have a feeling that it will fall along the line of a place where I will say what I feel, when I feel like it and not worry about consequences. If I can help it, no one will know about this blog, or feel a need to read it. It will just be my way to plant my own flag in the internet world and claim this for my own. Something so selfish that it is just for me.