Thought's running

I have always believed in a higher power, no matter what obsticales are set infront of me. Before this man, I believed, I shall continue on through my life I hope. Simply, that sticks out to me a one profound moment of "divine intervention", angles, or fate- what have you. I don't question it very often and I don't push it on others, no matter what. So I hope that no one takes this the wrong way. The whole reason that I am writting this blog is so that maybe, if you are some person that I do not know but happends to stumble upon my humble train of thought, and needs to hear of a little miracle, needs a little bit of faith, a happy thought, hope or even someone to listen to my blog is here. It may not be much, but you never know how your actions can drastical alter a person. What I just want to say is miricales are found wherever you are, no matter how you classify your religion, or even if you don't have one. Life is good, and it dosen't take to much to find them. Watch for that smile from a stranger, or someone you know, a song on the radio that you love and haven't heard in what seems like forever. A hug, something as simple as that, can change a mood, a day or the world. My idea of religion is a walk, a setting sun, and my own coversation with what I believe is god. If we all just took the time to find what is good, what makes us happy and what life really means to each one of us, than maybe we can all find hope and peace.

Until someone loves you I will keep you safe

I'm in a really bad mood. When I get into a really bad mood, I stress about things. When I stress about things I get ever more upset and sooner or latter I just let it all out. Then things just spiral down to a fall. I really don't like it and I wish I knew how to better deal with it in order to be happy.

A quarter and a kiss is all it should be worth to you

It kinda disgust me to think how far you went in lying to me. You told me you hadn't, but you had. Serisously, I the reasons for I am still friends with you are becoming hard to conjure. But, as they say, Karma is a bitch and I am betting that you have had your serving of it in that regard in the least.
What really bugs me is not that you slept with him and lied about it, its the fact that to this day you stand with this holey-er than thou atittude about it all. The fact that you have the nevre to point your own dirty finger at those around you is shameful.
Really this is none of my business, but it is a fantastic view on your own soiled character. Bravo. Bravo.

Let's get rich

At the end of the day, I find that I know it will all just be okay
Everything is happy and right
Time to tuck in for the night

find the truth

There are people out there that I find, afer a while, just weren't worth the time getting to know. For it seamed that there for a while, you were good friends. Then gradually, if your friendship is no longer one of convience, they will just drop you off to the side. It may hardly even matter how good of friend's you were before. If it is no longer a convient thing for them, to stay friends with you, then they don't. Latter, when that convience reoccurs, weather it be in a moment without friends in the hallway, or a class then shared second semsister, they are your friend again. Then they ask what happened to your friendship, why you had never spoken before that moment and swear to be friends again. Only then to leave you at the drop of a hat when it no longer is of a benifit to them to be friends. I try, really I do to reastablish that connection but after a while, be it months or weeks, it is not longer worth the effort. It takes to much out of me. I don't really blame people for this type of reaction, for it is eveident to me that they no longer wish to be friends. But it is fake act of "you are a great person, I miss being friends with you! We should hang out soon!" that really buggs me. That makes me a bit of a hypocrite because I know that I have done that before. But it bothers me so much when I see this act repeated to my face time and time again. If you don't want to be my friend I would much rather you tell mee so I do not have to suffer from this delusion. Trully, I do miss you. I thought that we were tight and that we would be friends for a lot longer than we lasted. You found someone else and then cut me out. Really, I can hardly say that I care very much anymore. So aurevoir. Pretty much I have planned to tell you the next time you say, "Hay! We should hang out!" I am simply going to say Well, you know I have gotten the impression that you really don't want to. So thanks, bu bye

I've got two hearts to give away

I can't help but feel like this is the end, and it's a good feeling. The exhausted, content sigh after a long night and before head and pillow collide. I don't doubt that I will think of you. What I am hoping will spring from this is a sense of ease, a gradual decent from the wildness dreams. It was never good for me, what had happened. Stress hurt and pain all sprang from what I put myself through. To say that I blame you is a lie, I don't. Basically I just blame myself for following through for so long. But now, when I see what has happened, I can honestly say that I really don't care that much. I know that I will always harber some sort of connection to you, although be it unrequitted, it's something I think I know how to deal with. I just don't ever let go 100%, a little piece of me is left behind at evey turn. With that lost piece though comes learning, wisdom, (of what little may exist in me now) and hope. Weird really how in the end, this has given me hope. It has, and knowing that makes me smile. It might have be the forbiden fruit aspect that held such appeal for me, knowing that I would not get hurt. I have never really acknoweleged that before now. There is always something about expressing thoughts through visuel aides that helps me so much. That is why I love writting so much. Words hold a lot of power for me. So much so that I bet if I told you how I feel, how I believe I am finally moving on, I would never have to express these sentiments otherwise. I won't be doing that, for you would find me creepy and werid. I am beginning to feel the happiness of a new beginning and of hope begin to seap its way back into the corners of my mind.

How Can I Be Without Your Hate, It Give Me Piece Of Mind

This is not going to be a blog where I tell you what to do. I am not going to tell you to do something to get up off your ass and get something done with your life. Truthfully I would to do so, but it bothers me so much when someone dose that to me, I decied to stop. Especially if I don't know them, such as I don't know you. Unless I do know you, in which case the last statement didn't apply.
And here I go again on another this is what I want to say moment.
What I want to say is that I have set a goal for myself to spend less time wasting away infront of this stupid computer. There are so many better things for me to do out there. I am going to try and get out there more and more and really, right now, even though I am exhuasted feeling a little anti-social, that sounds really good.

I am not telling you do anything, but hay, if you can take one thing from this and then use that one thing to change something for the better in your life, then good.

A Child Made Of Glass

Some days it feels like the whole world is a spinning dime. On moment it is up, held upright by something stronger than itself. A dime supsended between finger and table. The next moment it is struck. The force pushes it into a spin, and it spins and spins and spins and spins, slowly loosing momentum until everything comes to a crashing hault. Today I have been spinning, I have been spun and I seam to have a world of thought spinning through around my head. It all twist and spins faster then slower and then flicked back into unrelenting motion.

All this sounds really pretty but it is not what I really want to say.
What I really want to say is that I am tired beyond belief and I don't even really know why. I am getting my self all stressed out over every little thing and I know I shouldn't. I want to say that I think I have overloaded myself this year with so many courses and activities but I don't want to admit this to my Mom. I don't want my mom to know because I want to prove to her that I can handle this even though I am douting myself right now.
What I want to say is that I am pathetic in how often I think about you. God damn it I don't even know how to put into words. I just want you to leave the city just so that I rest in pieces. And if not, I want you to look at me like no one else and hold me close. I want so much and I know that it will not happen. You are always on my mind and I can hardly figure out why. On top of it all I can't figure what you are thinking, not even the slightest hint. You always seam slightly dazed and I don't get it. I wish I could make this go away. I just want this to be over with so I can move the fuck on.

the seasons have chaged and so have we

I think that I just might be about ready to let go of you and move on, just maybe

New moon

Well this is going to be stupid, and I sujest if you don't like the whole Twilight stuff that you should just skipp over all this blog, but I am retardely excited for New Moon, to an extent that is hard to grasp. I cannot wait. Now I know that the plot line is horrible along with the acting and casting, and bascially eveything about it sucks, but that dosent mean that I hate it. In fact I love it. I love it so much that I just cannot explain. I know that it is horrible, I know better than most seeing as I read what I would consider some pretty good books. All the same, everytime I see the trailor, no matter how many times I have seen it before I squeel with delight. I can not wait. Plus the Jacob of the movies is one of the hotest things to walk plant earth. That helps some. Im stooked.

Blogg Junkie

Okay well this is going to be the second blog that I have posted in about an hour I believe, probably less time, but I felt it nesecariy. So because when I started this blog, I felt that it was going to be something that I wouldn't share with anyone. Then I let it out. So then a few people started to follow it. I then blocked them. I am sorry if that upsets some of you off, but really I just don't want that many people to be reading this. It might sound stupid but it's the way I planned it and the way I intend for it to go. So if I have let you keep following this blog it's because I trust you. I don't want to have to block everyone or anything or start a new blog just so that it can be private again, so please keep this quiet. Thanks.

lost forever if I never knew you

Well this is werid. I actually never expected to have any followers, infact I counted on not having any followers that I know. Now I have four. It's weird to say the least. I know this place to be a lot more private than, say, Facebook but I still find a little weird that people are following my written train of thought on the internet. I guess it is what should come to be expected. Oh well.
In this blog, I am pretty much say nearly everything I would say to my best friend, without the history to the story and with out the names. In a way, it almost turns such a responsive, bright, happy, smart best friend into something so static, so dead but so accessable, I can hardly rap my head around it. To those who are reading and following my blog, publicly or otherwise, I would just like to point out that this is me all laid out. Normally I am exhuasted, pissed off or confused when I write. I hold next to nothing back and don't expect any abnormal attention for all my whining. For that is what the majority of this is, a place for me to whine. I am not about to appologize or ask for any sort of reaction, I just want this laid out for everyone to know.

We've got a long way to go.

Life is brief, but when it's gone, love goes on and on

Endless diamond sky

I love disney movies so much, I believe that you can learn everything in life that is important from a diseny movie. They've taught us such important lessons of true love, of respect, truth, faith, the importance of dreams, how looks, money, race and class can mean so little in the face of love, the power of magic and wishes. I love all Disney movies for all that they have taught me, and I still watch them to this day. I think one of the reason so many people I know still love and willing admit to watching Disney movies is because we loose so much of our innocence at such a young age, it gives us something to hold onto. A part of our past that was whole and pure, untouched by the distaster that taint it to this day.
I believe Walt Disney must have been a brillante man, full of compassion, love, caring and creative brillance. I beleive those that try to tarnish his brillance by slandering his name with sujestions of racsim and crudness should be ashamed. Walt Disney gave to this world one of the greatness contibutions that any man has to humanity. It may no have advanced our understanding of the universe or inventived the atomic bomb, but he did something far more. He ensured the advancement of love into every heart, home, society part our parents that see view, understand and accpet the concepts he potrays in all his films. They give us hope, love, understaning, acceptance and something to wish for. I hope with all my being that these pieces of magic are preserved for every child to enjoy and learn from. I know myself and my childern will watch these movies for years to come.