Hardknock Catalog

This blog will be filled with swearing, whining and angst. For those who are thinking they should read it, I would adivise that you find something more productive to do with your time.

Some days, everything sucks. Even though actually everything dosen't suck, it feels like every dose suck. I really don't like the mood that theses days put me in. I'm in a mood right now, a bad mood. Mostly this is the stupid fucking microsoft word's fault. It is always retared and it makes me want to throw my computer against the wall. Fuck, I hate it. Thankfully I have sad songs and this blog to help me blow off some steam. I am really stressed today because of stupid school. There is so much work to do, and to many things that I want to do. Really all I have to do today is write a stupid french project that I won't even be here to present, but even though that, and studying for Chem is all I have to do today, it is making me crease my brow. I think that it also has to do with the fact that I was suposte to go bowling today for Kids Help Phone but I ditched because I had to much work, and now I feel like a bad person. I didn't even have the guts to call in to tell them that I couldn't go. I just sent off a stupid e-mail because I am whimp. I don't like letting people down, like it's what I hate the most. People also include myself, and anyone else I love, repect or feel a sense of duty towards. The Kids Help Phone people would call under the sense of duty catergory. I let them down because I was suposte to fundraise and bring a lot of people and at least show up. I failed in all aspects and now I feel really guilty. I hate being guitly. I must have a really difficult consience. I hate it sometimes. I wish sometimes that I could just be one of those people that don't really care about other's expectations. But the fact of the matter is, that is who I am. That aspects of my personality makes up a huge part of who I am and effects all of what I do. It's because I do my best to live up to my expectations and expectations of others that makes me such a hard worker. The negative effects of this part of my personalty come to light mainly to those who are closest to me. I get really stressed and moody when I feel that I haven't been able to do what I should have done. I take it out on everyone else around me and it really isn't fair. So to those people I really am sorry. Thankfully I have this stupid place to let go of all this built up stress without taking it out on other people. My favoire place to complain.