it is not for you to decide

sometimes i think the hardest thing to deal with is trying to understand anything. one of the hardest things that you do today might be trying to comprehend that sentence, so let me see if i can make my point just a little bit clearer. what i mean to say is that we never can really ever understand something from but from a single point of view, our own. really all that we have to rely on is our own experiences, desires, needs, wants, emotions, what have you, to interpret something to our own means. after that, we can imagine the how it might be for someone else, but honestly, i do not believe we ever really understand anything else but their own life's problems. we understand it from our flat, one sided point of view, many people move on, or get angry about it. that's what i like to call ignorance. and then once you move past the tunnel vision, the lack of depth perception, you are faced with what i have come to believe is one of the most difficult task human nature is dealt with, trying to grasp at an understand that has over six billion points of view. for if we were talking in absolutes here, the only true way to understand something, (which i do believe is quite nearly impossible) is based on the whole. of course, on such a scale, we can all see that it is impossible to even begin to grasp at a level of comprehension that breaches such boundaries. consequently, we try, as humans always do, to compartmentalize, to break the six billion down into smaller, more manageable groups who's opinions, experiences, desires are similar enough to be complied together. only then, once the billions are broken down, separated into thousands, hundreds of opinions do we begin the real challenge, understanding.
i find this so hard. trying to just manage even the slightest glimmer of comprehension, but the inner workings of my cerebellum reject the calamity that is our world. the chaos we've created. for when i was young, and until quite recently, i believe in a world that was black and white. where something was either good or bad, and where these distinct lines in the sand are sometimes still available, most have been swept clean by the hands of the tide. and this is what is so difficult for me to grasp, for there are things that my head understands, but i find my heart buckling under the weight of such knowledge. such as war, even false wars such as the one in Iraq. Saddam was a dictator, he killed many people, the government of the united states fabricated false information so that they might invade the country, protect their oil interests, and eliminate Saddam. now the soldiers are gone and they country is still in a state of turmoil. i understand why the u.s. did what they did, hundreds, if not thousands of payrolls are met due to the oil and gas industries. families have earned their living because of these companies. and then there are the families that have lost their lively hood because of them, such as those living under the triennial shell rule in south Africa, and those suffering in the wake of the bp oil spill in the states. now who is to say who is right and who is wrong here, who is to say that the families in the united states deserve direct compensation for their lost income while all of Africa cries after the rape, pillage and plundering done to her once bountiful land.
i guess what i am really trying to say with all those words is that there never is a right or wrong side, there never is an easy answer. there are thousands of answers, each with its pros and cons, each with the same right to be heard as the next. problem is, more often than not, we don't take the time to listen. we are all faced with tough choices, ugly consequences and i guess the challenge is trying to find the one, the single solution, that can help as many people as possible and destroy very few in the process.

sometimes i feel as if the weight of all these multifaceted problems are sinking me like a stone