keep calm and carry on

I have this odd sense when it comes to the school year, how it is progressing, the idea of scholarships, universities and life after high school. And for the longest time I couldn't figure out what about the whole thing was so off for me. So I thought, and pondered and all other sort of seemingly deep words that really mean nothing.

And I decided it's like I'm reading a book. A really good book. One that keeps me up until absolutely retarded hours of the morning just so that I don't have to put it down. And it is all going quite well until the very end. It is at this point, where the story reaches its peak, and the denouement must come into play, that it takes a completely unexpected, unheeded, what the fuck, kinda turn. It concludes in a way that has so little to do with the rest of the plot line up until that point, that you are left frowning slightly as you turn deeper and deeper into the end. But you can't put it down, or change the ending or call into the author and complain because you are enthralled, confused and perhaps hopeful. So you continue on, until the story reaches its ends and you are left utterly and entirely confused. This is exactly how I feel. So I am really not freaking out, or scared (like I tell people I am) or excited. It's kinda like I am numb or really good at accepting that this is what I have to do and have no problems dealing with it or it hasn't hit me yet. Probably that last one more than anything.