the very thought unwinding me

sometimes i think in colors. i see moods in colors, auras that surround the body, like the blue feathering we did around the continents in elementary school to demonstrate the ocean. if you think about it, that was kinda a ridiculous process. i mean, what else would the ocean be rather than the absence of land? elementary school. it was an easy time, but for the most part a lot of what went down there makes less and less sense as i get older.

that can be kinda scary because maybe that means i am forgetting what it's like to be a kid. maybe i'm losing that part of me. but i still watch disney movies, know the word to all the disney songs, still like to squish my toes in the mud and walk around in the spring rain. so maybe i'm actually doing okay.
i pity any person that has yet to squish their toes in the mud, or believes themselves above such childish things. it has to be the most ridiculous, joyous, messiest thing i have done in a long time. i can't help but sequel and laugh. my reactions truly are beyond me control when my shoes come off and the water has turned the ground to mush. never forget how much fun mud can be. even if you are eighteen.

mom i love you but i think you need to just leave me alone more frequently. i don't know what this is.

i lose track of post sometimes. the words get away with me, take me to little alcoves that i didn't mean to go to, and beget a new destination. today i ment to talk about auras, blog posts, best friends and the mild crease in my brow. but interesting, good words like beget have lead me astray.
i have an aura today composed of the soft light of the christmas lights taped to my desk, of tea and the nostalgic aroma it exhales, of old songs and the smell of rain. of shakespeare, chocolate and self-involved pictures. of sunshine, dozey smiles and new shirts. it would be a perfect mood for a summer day. with good playlist and suntanning. problem is, summer days first require me passing school. something i am not feeling all to keen on these days.

Allison, i think that you are witty. your post made me smile. i could relate. i kinda love you a lot and forgot to say that for many months. now it comes in excess.

i forgot to mention silly little things, words too leaden to speak with eye contact. i don't know. all i know is that i'm waiting for a flashing red light for reasons i can't explain. that i've been whining for too long. that summer is short and
that i need more words.